Slitherin'

   Shirley and I are approached surprisingly often by fellow RVers, campers, and tourists who are curious about what we are watching. "Are you looking at that big brown thing?" asked a woman in Yellowstone. The "big brown thing" was a bull elk. The thing is, in the national parks especially, you can attract quite a crowd just standing around, gazing into the distance or up into a tree. Nobody wants to miss anything so they assume you must have spotted a wild Jabberwock with jaws that bite and claws that snatch. Or maybe it is a frumious Bandersnatch or the nest of the Jubjub bird.

   If we just happen to be looking towards a bird, someone is bound to approach like the fellow who wanted to know if we were bird watchers. "What's that big, black bird that looks like a vulture?" 

   "Well," I said, "we call that a black vulture." Then I went on to explain, in my usual pedantic way, that the black vulture is not to be confused with the turkey vulture that has a red head. Then I went still further on to deny that we were bird watchers. The term implies a level of seriousness and devotion to arcane information that simply doesn't apply to us. We are bird watchers to the extent that we are elk watchers or bear watchers or [fill in the name of any wildlife here] watchers. We do own quite a collection of field guides because we want to know what it is we are looking at. We pity the fools who can't tell an elk from a mule deer or a mountain goat from a bighorn sheep.

   On those very rare occasions when someone asks to see my photos, they are usually interested in the scenery or wildlife such as bison, elk, or moose with their calves. Nobody ever says, "Hey, got any great pictures of reptiles?"

   Reptiles of all kinds tend to make people nervous. Sometimes they are afraid of being bitten. (I never am because I have a woman who hikes ahead of me to kick the rattlesnakes off the trail.) There must be something Freudian about fear of reptiles because even harmless little garter snakes, anoles and geckos get people worked up. Unless, of course, the gecko is the mascot of an insurance company. 

   My opinion is that some reptiles can be attractive in their own right. See the photos below. Unless even photos of reptiles tend to creep you out.

Venomous snakes, like this cottonmouth water moccasin, tend to have triangular shaped heads.

The harmless garter snake, in comparison, has a spoon-shaped rounded head.

At Montpelier, home of President James Madison, I stepped under a large oak to get a photo of the mansion. "LeMoyne," said Shirley, "you're standing on a snake!"  Although it was five feet long, it was just a harmless black racer. He was a little miffed, though. You could see it in his eyes.

This is his cousin we met in Florida.

Also in Florida was this banded water snake.

The bulge in this rattlesnake indicates a recent meal.

Look very contented, doesn't he?

And I thought this was just another banded water snake until he came ashore.

I don't know much about lizards but the collard lizard is easy to identify.

A non-venomous snake, like this bull or gopher snake, may have coloration that make it look like a rattlesnake. It's better to be sure of the identification before approaching too close. 

You can see how much this resembles a diamondback.

This one crawled back into the rocks about two feet from the

entrance to our camping neighbors' RV. Though it is harmless,

it could be a little upsetting to step out and step right on him. 

The gopher snake pursued a packrat into its den but the rat popped out the back door.

The dewlap is a colorful inflatable extension of the throat on the green anole. It is used to communicate--as in, "Hey, this is my territory!"

The ranger said we could tell for sure if this was a cottonmouth water moccasin by the vertical, elliptical pupil in its eye. Non-venous water snakes, like those in Lake Erie, have a round pupil. Who wants to get close enough to see the pupil in its eye? 

That's what a zoom lens is for.

Eating out

    As campers and RVers, Shirley and I spend about half the year on the road. That means we have thousands of opportunities to take advantage of access to local cuisine. Which we sometimes do, especially when there is a chance for seafood right off the boat in Savannah or Pensacola or Key Largo or perfect brisket in Texas. Most of the time, however, "eating out" is more likely to be something we cooked ourselves and ate outside.
   Now, we know there are people who assume that campers eat nothing but hot dogs on a stick and s'mores. We have been known to do that. But it is really, really rare though it is mandatory with the grandchildren. Not that I want to be bragging or anything, but we probably eat better in camp than most people do at home. Well, maybe bragging just a little.
   Breakfast always begins with fresh-perked coffee; that is, coffee made in an actual percolator. There is a difference, you know. Shirley gets it started on the RV stove while I set up the Coleman stove outside--assuming the weather permits. We have the option of cooking on the RV stove and/or in the microwave oven if the weather is nasty.
  On the menu is usually some bacon or sausage, eggs over, scrambled or in an omelet. We tend to favor the old family recipe for omelets: take what you have, put it in.  Typically this means some diced onion, colored bell peppers, crumbled left-over bacon or sausage, maybe red pepper flakes or herbs, and cheese.
   The same family recipe is also used for hash browns. What we end up with is basically a skillet casserole.
   We like pancakes or French toast, especially when there is fresh fruit available. The best example of this is when we were at Blackberry Campground on the Oregon coast and there were fresh berries right behind our site. From the bushes straight to the table. It is impossible to get any fresher. Most of the time, though, we have to rely on fruit stands or supermarkets. One way or another, Shirley makes sure we have some form of fruit or juice with breakfast.
   For muffins or biscuits, I set up the Coleman oven. The biscuits may be served with butter and preserves or as the base for a sausage patty and topped with an egg. Another option is to serve sausage gravy over the biscuits. Any breakfast you can have at Cracker Barrel, we can have in camp.
   Then we are off fishing, sightseeing, or for a little walk in the park. On the stream, lunch is probably a trail bar or an apple and a bottle of water. If we are back in camp, it is more likely to be some yogurt and granola. Just enough to tide us over until cocktail hour. We always travel with ample supplies of wine and bourbon. Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course.
   For snacks and cocktail hour, there is a wide range of options. A selection of olives  or olive salad. Shirley makes excellent tapinade and pimiento cheese. Hummus with veggies for dipping. A variety of cheeses with crackers. Or take-and-bake bread finished in the Coleman camp oven with herbed olive oil for dipping. While the oven is on, I might roast a head or two of garlic. All of this in moderation, of course, because we don't want to spoil our appetites before supper. Usually. Sometimes we skip supper after a particularly robust cocktail hour.
   First night in camp is ruled by tradition: prime grade beef steak from Costco with bleu cheese sauce and a vegetable or salad and a bottle of bubbly. Other meal entrees, guided by whim and the weather, may include, but are not limited to, pork chops or tenderloin with some of Shirley's chutney, baby back ribs, lamb chops, roasted or fried chicken, grilled salmon or tuna steaks, and shrimp & grits or pasta. The pantry includes a wide variety of canned goods because, at some point in our travels, we are likely to be quite some distance from fresh food. Even then, our refrigerator still has options that are quite acceptable.
   When the weather disappoints--as it will inevitably when you're gone half the year--we may settle for grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Plain old grilled cheese can be kicked up considerably by using more than one kind of cheese or a generous schmeer of pimiento cheese. Or 100% pimiento cheese for that matter. A few strips of bacon left over from breakfast never hurts. I make tomato soup with a can of fire-roasted tomatoes, a can of evaporated milk (because even non-fat evaporated is rich and creamy) and some herbes de Provence. The trick is to simmer very slowly so the milk does not curdle.
   Years ago, I was encouraged to write a cookbook for campers. I was flattered and started to make a list of dishes. Very quickly I determined that the way we eat in camp is exactly the same way we eat at home. So what was the point? I hope you will conclude that, despite all the stereotypes about roughing it, you can manage to live quite well in the wilds.

Even when we were still tenting it, we managed to remain civilized with a little wine and a good book beside the campfire.

One of our Yellowstone traditions is a bowl of bear berry ice cream on the balcony of Old Faithful Inn during the eruption. Shirley doesn't get to eat that whole thing--unless I get distracted taking pictures of Old Faithful.

We don't usually have beans with our steak. And I can't remember what happened to the cast iron plates that kept our steaks nice and hot. 

When the campgrounds in Zion were full, the ranger said we could park down near the river if we didn't mind camping for free. Not a bad place for cocktail hour.

When I went looking for photos, was surprised at how many were of us with glass in hand. Shouldn't have been surprised. When we travel, it's always just a greatly extended picnic. Notice those wine glasses. After a few beautiful crystal glasses went ting-ting, we invested in polycabonate with stems that store in the bowls of the glasses. Years of satisfactory service for camping.

At the appropriately named Blackberry Campground in Oregon, breakfast included lots of the freshest possible berries on our French toast.

Planning the next portion of the trip is a little lot easier with a Manhattan to clear the mind.

The wines were OK but the labels were what was really important.

Ratatouille to go with the steaks. And bubbly, of course. I hope you admire the improvised side table.

Those are Glencairn glasses designed for nosing and sipping contemplatively rather than for "drinking." You might want to see the blog post on the Kentucky Bourbon Trail.

Our favorite hike in the Tetons is up to Taggart Lake where we have some fruit and trail bars on "our lunch rocks." 

When we are in Pensacola, we always visit Maria's Seafood for fresh-off-the-boat shrimp to have with our grits. Sometimes orzo or other pasta is substituted for the grits. 

That's not a lobster. It's a fresh water cousin of the shrimp--a crawfish.

You eat them steamed by the platter full. Well, maybe not you. But some do.

I thought these were steaks at first. On second thought, they are pork loin chops.

These look more like steaks. Do you get tired of steaks? We don't either.

Another pork chop with one of Shirley's favorite sides. Not the corn, the sauteed tomato slice with herbes de Provence on toast with freshly grated Parm.  We always have a big wedge of Parm.

Or, maybe her favorite side is roasted corn on the cob. Hard to tell from that grin.

Observant readers will have noticed that she is not wearing the same shirt and, therefore, this is not the same steak and corn. That's not red wine either. But it permissible to drink bubbly with red meat. 

But her favorite main course is fried chicken. On some days.

Even days when somebody forgot to pack the folding table and we have to improvise. Again.

Sometimes when we are far, far from Maria's Seafood we are forced to get our shrimp at an ordinary supermarket. Got these at Smith's in Jackson, WY. Ordinary name, perhaps, but not an ordinary store.

Chicken thighs on the Cobb cooker, a versatile charcoal-fired way of grilling or roasting. There is a dome lid that keeps the heat in for the latter. You might want to Google it.

One of my favorite meals is roasted pork tenderloin wrapped with prosciutto and...

served with a Cabernet-fig reduction sauce. The sauce is way easier to make than it sounds. Add a little fig preserves to about a cup of Cabernet Sauvignon and simmer until reduced to about half.

The recipe is flexible too. When I don't have prosciutto, I use bacon. And if I don't have fig preserves, cherry or apricot will do for the reduction sauce.

We call this greenie beanies almondinies. Toast some slivered almonds in butter, stir in a can of French style green beans. We are roughing it, after all. Fresh beans are better but you do what you gotta do.

Makes a great accompaniment for tuna steak with lemon-dill aioli and yellow rice.

Hash browns from the old family recipe--take what you have, put it in. Looks like onion, bell peppers, crumbled bacon, and cheese.

Exactly the same ingredients can be added to an omelet.

Scrambled eggs, sausage gravy on sourdough toast, tangerine.

This meal was eaten inside the RV so I assume the weather didn't cooperate. Besides, pasta is a cool weather or high altitude choice for supper. But the star of the show isn't the penne rigate, it's the capers--those little green things. Shirley would eat ceramic floor tiles if you put capers on them.

She will even agree to eat her penne rigate with roasted chicken and spinach if there are capers.

While I was grilling the ribeye and sauteeing the veggies, Shirley was making the bleu cheese sauce. "I think you're putting in too much cheese," I said. Boy, that was the dumbest thing I ever said. Of a culinary nature, that is.

Salmon and sweet potatoes. Artistically speaking, from my Orange Period. By the way, we did not feel obligated to eat all of those sweet potatoes. I mashed the leftovers with some butter, cinnamon and honey for a later meal.

We also like salmon pan seared because it gets a really nice crust.

Wait, wait. Do I see capers in that sauce? Even on salmon! And, purely by coincidence, this meal was eaten on the upper Salmon River in Idaho where we went fly fishing. Haven't eaten any of the trout we have caught for, oh, more than 30 years. Trout are too valuable to be caught just once so we put them back for someone else to enjoy catching.

Here, for example, is a nice cutthroat she caught and released.

Steak with bleu cheese, collards, and a baked potato for supper. Why is this woman always smiling? It must be chemically induced by what's in the glass.

While we're on the subject, the very best way to chill a 

bottle is in a mountain stream.

On exceptionally rare occasions, somebody else does our outdoor 

cooking. Took a chuck wagon dinner ride in Yellowstone.

Presentation isn't everything. This would never work in a fine restaurant. But fine restaurants are not found out in the Lamar Valley. Wranglers may be sensitive about some things but they are inclined to just slop your meal onto a metal plate and be done with it. No, that's not fair. I slopped everything but the steak. Cookie grilled it to order and carefully placed it on top of my slop.

The Coleman camp oven that sits on top of the Coleman camp stove 

is really handy when you are in the mood for fresh biscuits or 

lemon-poppy seed muffins. 

At home, I prefer to make my biscuits from scratch.  On the road, 

we just buy a tube of biscuits. Much easier. Almost as good.

Cocktail hour in Cave Creek Canyon. I don't always forget the 

little folding table. There is a limit to how much roughing it she 

will tolerate. Haven't reached that limit yet but no sense pushing

 my luck.